As a Christian, it is expedient that you know how to forgive because you have received forgiveness from God (Colossians 3: 13). It is among one of the core doctrines of Christianity and part of the foundation that we stand on to relate with God.
Our lifestyle should be an example to the world because we are Christ’s ambassadors here on Earth. Hence we should know the steps to forgiveness in the bible and make it part of us so that we can know how to forgive like Jesus.
So, if you are finding it difficult to forgive people that hurt you, the first thing to do is to acknowledge the pain and walk through it, not dwell on what has happened, and make a decision to let go by tempering justice with mercy.
Going by these steps is not easy. Hence, you need to go through the scriptures to start learning how to forgive biblically.
And to forgive biblically means letting go, not because it is not painful or because the person deserves to be forgiven. However, you forgive as an act of worship, showing reverence to God.
Hence, you need to draw wisdom from God to know how to forgive and to draw strength from Him to truly express forgiveness.
This means we cannot freely forgive, except God strengthens and teaches us how to do it. So how does god teach us to forgive? He has done that by sending Jesus to come and dies for sinful humanity, which is a prime example of showing forgiveness.
The Bible says why we were yet in sin. Christ came and died for us (Romans 5: 8), this means we never deserved to be forgiven, but He made an effort by sending Christ, who is the means of forgiveness to us. Let us take this discussion further as we look at what is forgiveness.
What Is True Forgiveness?
If you want to know what is forgiveness and how you can learn to practice it, you can read along. Forgiveness means intentionally taking a decision to let go of resentment, rage, bitterness, grudges, anger, and thoughts of revenge against someone that causes you great pain, irrespective of whether they deserve it or not.
This does not mean you deny the seriousness of pain or the intensity of the offence against you, and neither does it mean agree with the offences.
Rather you forgive to liberate yourself from mental instability. You forgive to have clarity of thoughts and freedom from grudges, rage and bitterness towards the offender.
This is why to forgive someone; you do not need anything from the offender, not even the knowledge or consent of the person.
Biblically, in the Old Testament, the Hebrew ‘semichah’ that is translated as “to forgive” means lifting one out of debt.
Why, in the New Testament, the Greek word ‘aphesis’ translated as to forgive means to pardon, in the sense of letting go completely as if they never existed.
Therefore, forgiveness means lifting one out of a debt and showing pardon by completely letting go as though the offence never existed.
The example is seen in Christ taking away our sins, covering our sins, washing them away, and completely forgetting them (Isaiah 53: 6; 43: 25, Psalm 85: 2).
1. Understand The Need And Importance Of Forgiveness
Forgiveness is one of the greatest needs, the most powerful gifts given to humanity. It stands at the centre of every relationship that ever exists. You cannot relate with anyone freely if forgiveness is not involved.
Your relations with God begin with you receiving God’s forgiveness, and for it to continue, you must continue to receive forgiveness from Him.
In addition, in your relationship with people, you must learn to always receive and give out forgiveness so that the relationship can continue to flow freely.
Jesus Christ also instructs us to forgive anyone who wronged us so that our heavenly Father will forgive us (Matthew 6: 14 – 15).
He also expressed this in the Lord’s Prayer when He said, “…forgive us our trespasses, as we forgive those who trespass against us… (Matthew 6: 12).
Furthermore, when you forgive someone, it brings freedom to you. You are set free from bitterness, hatred, and wrath towards the person.
It brings clarity to your thought, it helps you to think straight, and it builds and solidifies your relationships with people.
So, forgiveness is the pinnacle of every relationship anyone will ever get involved in. When you understand the need and the power to forgive, it will help you to know how to forgive.
2. Make A Choice Of Letting Go
Another approach that will help you to know how to forgive is making a choice to let go no matter the intensity of the pain.
This means whenever someone does anything that causes you to feel deeply hurt, pained and betrayed, no matter how intense it is, you must choose to let go.
Do not let anything in that situation cause you to resort to revenge, no matter how pained and hurt you feel. Even if the person is so dear to you, and your expectation towards him or her is very high.
And they caused you such pain without being sorry about it, showing any sense of remorse, and taking responsibility for what happened. Hence, you do not want to let go because you think the person deserves to go through the same pain.
Therefore, you resort to conceiving anger, bitterness, and rage. At this point, you have every right to be angry; moreover, if you get revenge, it is justifiable. Nevertheless, you need to choose to let it go for the sake of your own mental and spiritual well-being.
3. Accept Your Own Mistakes And The Part You Played
One of the ways to know how to forgive, that I have tried on different occasions, and it has helped me, is to accept your own mistakes and the part you played.
When I find myself in a situation where I get hurt or feel betrayed. When I get back home, I reflect on everything that has happened, and I try to pick out my own mistakes, trying to figure out where I was wrong.
Moreover, even when I cannot find any fault in my actions, I conclude by telling myself that I put myself in a position where I can get hurt.
This has helped to calm me down and to move on, even when the person did not show any remorse or take responsibility. I take responsibility for being in charge of my mental and spiritual well-being because it is my responsibility.
Remember what Jesus says; what defiles you is what comes out of you, and not what goes in (Matthew 15: 11), so if someone does something bad to you, do not let that control your actions and resort to committing sin.
The Bible says you can get angry, but do not commit sin (Ephesians 4: 26). Do not let your anger cause you to commit sin.
4. Show Mercy And kindness, Rather Than Trying To Be Just
When you show mercy and kindness rather than trying to be just, it is an expression of the godly nature you have received when you accepted Christ as Lord and Saviour.
Remember, God showed us mercy and kindness rather than giving us the justice we deserve by sending Christ to come and die for us, pouring all the punishment of our sins on Him (Isaiah: 53: 4 – 6, 1 John 2: 2)
This is not being just; this is showing us mercy and kindness. Justice would have been God-ending humanity. However, He chose to be merciful and gracious to us.
Therefore, rather than trying to be just, we should express the mercy and kindness we have received from God to others by forgiving them when they hurt us and cause us so much pain.
5. Make Effort To Meet And Engage The One Who Hurt You
It is good and, to an extent, necessary to make an effort to meet and engage in a conversation with the one who hurt you. This is because you just need to hear the person’s side of the story.
Even our Heavenly Father expects us to come to Him and ask for forgiveness (1 John 1: 9). This doesn’t mean He has not forgiven us even before we ask, but it is because He wants to meet with us and engage in a conversation about our wrongdoing with us.
He even made an effort by descending from His throne in the person of Christ so that He would interact with us and engage us in a conversation.
Thus, we should learn from our Heavenly Father and make an effort to meet and engage in a conversation with people because it will help us to know how to forgive.
6. Learn To Move On From The Past
Sometimes, the reason why it is difficult for us to know how to forgive is because we are stuck in the past, we have not let it go, and we have not moved on from it.
This may be because the pain it caused you was so intense, and maybe you even have a scar on your body or in your life to show for it.
And this has made it to be so difficult that you just can’t easily let it go and move on. The scars remind you of what you went through, and you want the person to go through the same pain you went through.
Staying in the past will cause you more harm than good. The person who did that to you might have moved on and is going about his or her life.
But when you hold unto what happened, you are holding yourself back. So it is better you let it go and move to a new phase and a new level of your life
7. Try Not To Be Judgemental
One of the popular sayings that are accepted by everyone is, “Nobody is perfect”. This opens a door to the great possibility that anyone, at any time, can make mistakes.
And this mistake can cause great pain and hurt to so many people. And you can as well be in the shoes of making the same mistake that will bring pain to people.
When you put this into consideration, it will help you to understand that you should not be too judgemental and quick to condemn the person that hurt you because anyone can be in a place where his or her mistakes get to cause intense pain to a lot of people.
Therefore, no matter the intensity of the pain and hurt the person might have caused you, whether it was a mistake or an intentional act.
Don’t be too judgemental, be moderate in your judgment, and don’t condemn the person sternly and out rightly, and this will help you to know how to forgive.
8. Acknowledge Your Inner Pain
One of the ways that will help you to know how to forgive is to acknowledge your inner pain, which is to accept the fact that what the person did to you is hurtful.
This is accepting the reality of what has happened, and though this may cause the pain to be more intense, in the end, it will also help you to let go and forgive.
The intense pain that follows when you accept your inner pain is the first step in the healing process. It is like adding salt to a wound; though it increases the pain, the intention is to heal the wound.
Imagine ignoring an injured part of the body without doing anything about it. It will get so bad that if you are not careful, it might terminate your life.
That’s the same thing that happens when you ignore the inner pain and act as if nothing is wrong. It will gradually kill you inside. But when you accept the pain, though it will be more intense, you will certainly be healed and forgiven.
9. Pray And Depend On God To Help You
Sometimes you might get hurt so much that the intense pain you will feel becomes so difficult for you to forgive. And it results in hatred and bitterness towards the person.
I remember a time in my life when I was betrayed. It was so hurtful because I was so loyal to the friendship. However, I was being played and considered to be foolish.
I felt so hurt that I began to feel hatred, bitter rage, and anger towards him. I did not see myself thinking anything good about him.
All I could imagine about him was evil. My whole emotions clouded my judgement and sense of reasoning. Nevertheless, deep down in me, I knew this was bad, and I lost it because I cannot do anything about it.
So I had to start praying and depending on God to help me on how to forgive my friend. I started even calling his name in my prayers, asking God to bless him and help him, and favour him.
This worked so fast that when I saw him, every evil I used to think about him was gone. All I could do was show more love to him, and I moved on.
10. Try To Nurture A Forgiven Heart Within
Psychologists say that human nature is built in a way that it easily forms habits. However, bad habits are easy to form than good ones; hence forgiveness is also one of the most difficult habits to form.
However, just like every other habit, if you nurture forgiveness, it will become part of you. So much so that, it will now become easy; you will not struggle to know how to forgive.
Though at first, it might break you now, and just like every other good habit you want to form, you will certainly have to sacrifice a lot. But in the long run, it is so effective that giving out forgiveness will now be a thing of joy to you.
Why We Need To Forgive
If you are wondering and asking why we need to forgive those that have hurt and caused us much pain, then read on. The reason why we need to forgive is that we have been forgiven by God (Colossians 3: 13).
This means we need to forgive those that have hurt us and caused us so much pain because we have received forgiveness from God.
Remember, we were all dead in our trespasses (Ephesians 2: 1), following idolatrous ways like sheep taken to be slaughtered. But why we continued in sin, Christ came and died for us (Romans 5: 8).
Hence, forgiveness was given to us even when we did not deserve it, so in like manner. We also need to forgive others.
Furthermore, we also need to forgive because if we do not forgive others, God will not forgive us (Matthew 6: 14 – 15).
This does not mean He will take back the forgiveness already given to us, but rather in our walk with God, we will not find true peace of mind if we hold grudges against those who have hurt us.
We will always be troubled, and our spiritual, physical, and mental well-being will be in chaos. This means we need to forgive others for our own good.
How To Forgive Yourself Biblically
Maybe you have done a lot of things that make you feel terrible about yourself, and you want to know how to forgive yourself biblically; here is how to do it.
How to forgive yourself biblically is to rest upon God’s forgiveness because God’s forgiveness is what you need the most; it is what is important.
This means we need to understand that God has forgiven us, and that is why He sent Christ to come and bear the consequences of everything that we have done and that we will ever do (Romans 5: 21) as long as we put our faith in Him.
Therefore, you must first understand and accept that God has already forgiven you no matter what you have done and will always forgive you, no matter what you will do. This will help you to know how to forgive yourself.
How To Forgive Someone Who Hurt You Biblically
If someone has hurt you so badly, and you are finding it difficult to forgive the person, thus you really want to know how to forgive someone who hurt you biblically. Then this is for you.
How to forgive someone who hurt you biblically is to depend on God, so draw strength and wisdom so that you can let go and live with the person as if nothing ever happened.
This is because to forgive someone who has hurt you biblically means to show pardon by completely letting go as though the offence never existed.
By your human wisdom and strength, you cannot do it. No one will want to relate freely with someone who once causes him or her so much pain.
Therefore, it is only the wisdom and strength of God in us that can help us to do it. Hence, we need to depend on Him.
How To Forgive A Cheating Wife Biblically
If you are going through the trauma of infidelity, and you are finding it difficult to forgive, but as a Christian, you want to know how to forgive a cheating wife biblically, then read along.
How to forgive a cheating wife biblically is to love her the way the Bible command a husband to love the wife. Ephesians 5: 25 says (NIV), “Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her”.
This command is to love your wife not the way you want to, but the way Christ loves the church that He died for the church, and such love is agape, which is the selfless, sacrificial love of God.
This means because the love is selfless and sacrificial, you forgive without any strings attached. You forgive her even before she asks for it, just as Christ died for us and forgave us why we were yet sinners (Romans 5: 8).
If you can love your wife the way Christ loves the church, then you will know how to forgive her when she cheats on you.
How To Forgive Bible Verses
1. Colossians 3: 13 (NIV) Bear with each other and forgive whatever grievances you may have against one another. Forgive as the Lord forgave you.
2. James 5: 16 (NIV) Therefore confess your sins to each other and pray for each other so that you may be healed…
3. Luke 6:37 (NIV) “Do not judge, and you will not be judged. Do not condemn, and you will not be condemned. Forgive, and you will be forgiven.
4. Ephesians 4: 31 – 32 (NIV) Get rid of all bitterness, rage and anger, brawling and slander, along with every form of malice. Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ, and God forgave you.
5. Matthew 6:14 – 15 (NIV) For if you forgive men when they sin against you, your heavenly Father will also forgive you. But if you do not forgive men their sins, your Father will not forgive your sins.
6. Matthew 18: 21 – 22 (NIV) Then Peter came to Jesus and asked, “Lord, how many times shall I forgive my brother when he sins against me? Up to seven times?” Jesus answered, “I tell you, not seven times, but seventy-seven times.
7. Proverbs 17: 9 (NIV) He who covers over an offence promotes love, but whoever repeats the matter separates close friends.
8. Luke 17: 3 – 4 (NIV) So watch yourselves. “If your brother sins, rebuke him, and if he repents, forgive him. If he sins against you seven times in a day, and seven times comes back to you and says, ‘I repent,’ forgive him.”
9. Mark 11: 25 (NIV) And when you stand praying, if you hold anything against anyone, forgive him, so that your Father in heaven may forgive you your sins.
Conclusion
Knowing how to forgive is not easy; sometimes, you will have to sacrifice a whole lot, as God sacrificed Christ for us so that He can forgive us. That is how you need to sacrifice so that you can forgive others.
Sometimes even when you have every right to revenge, and it will be justifying if you do, you still have to forgive.
Therefore, you need to run to God to find the strength and courage to forgive and let go. Because it is only through the help of God we can truly and easily know how to forgive biblically.
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